Women and the frog

Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the
ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman
said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times
richer than
you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't
mess with them.

Attention
female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
feeling good!

Male
readers: Please scroll down.
















































The man had a heart attack ten times
"milder" than his wife!!!

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to
show that women never listen!!!

Liver cheese

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. Aware of her charms, and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words liver and cheese together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me".
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese." "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever. "Um. I hate liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Labs’ sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" he last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, and a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, "Liver alone, Cheese mine.

the seagull

A four year old and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the san. The boy asked his father, "Dad, what happened to the birdie?" His dad told him, "Son, the bird died and went to heaven." Then the boy asked, "And God threw him back down?

cussing parrot

There was a family that had a parrot that was always embarrassing them by cussing and other stuff like that.

So one day the boy took the parrot and stuck him in the freezer.Two hours later the squawking stopped.

The kid checked the freezer and the parrot said, "Okay I'll stop cussing, but I have one question".

The boy said, "What"?

The Parrot asks, "What did the turkey do"???

overcoming confusion

Deep within a forest,a little turtle began to climb a tree.After hours
of effort,he reached the top,jumped into the air waving his front legs
and crashed to the ground.After recovering,he slowly climbed the
tree again,jumped,and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again,
while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad
efforts.Finally,the female bird turned to her mate."Dear,"she
chirped,"I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Ok, lets catch the rabbit

The CIA, the FBI, and the secret service are trying to decide who is best at their job, so they let a rabbit go into the forest, and decided who ever caught it would be the best. First the secret service goes in and after months of extensive research, and billions of dollars spent, they conclude that rabbits don't exist. Then the CIA goes in. They blow up the entire forest killing it and everything in it, including the rabbit. Finally, the FBI goes in. 10 minutes later they come out dragging a mountain lion who is saying 'Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit!'

Blind man and his dog

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."

The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."






source: yahoo answers

kids today

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a
teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different
colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring
every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he
did not bat an eye in his response.

'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you
were my son.'

bear and rabbit

There once was a bear and a rabbit and they hated each other. The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree. The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes a piece if you will stop fighting!"

So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females." And all the bears in the forest turned into females.

The rabbit said: "I wish I had a helmet." Rabbit gets the helmet and the bear looks at him funny.

The bear wishes: "I wish all the bears in the country are females." The wish was granted.

The rabbit says, "I wish I have a motorcycle." By this point the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he's ever seen. The rabbit could wish for money and have all the motorcycles in the world.

The bear says: "I wish all the bears in the world are female." The wish is granted.

When it's the rabbit's turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his motorcycle, and says: "I wish that bear is gay.

why did the chicken cross the road??

Pat Buchanan: to steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and
we'll find out.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes!, the chicken crossed the road. But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Martin Luther King Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free
to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.

Ronald Reagan: What's a chicken?

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares
why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released "Chicken Coop 98", which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook- and Explorer is an inextricable part of the
operating system.

Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton: Define "cross."