A TEACHER ASKS HER CLASS, " IF THERE ARE 5 BIRDS SITTING ON A FENCE AND YOU SHOOT ONE OF THEM, HOW MANY WILL BE LEFT?." SHE CALLS ON LITTLE JOHNEY.
" NONE, THEY ALL FLY AWAY WITH THE FIRST GUN SHOT."
THE TEACHER REPLIES " THE CORRECT ANSWER IS 4 , BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK."
THEN THE LITTLE JOHNEY SAYS, " I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.THERE ARE THREE WOMEN SITTING ON A BENCH HAVING OF ICE CREAM.ONE IS DELICATELY LICKING THE SIDES OF THE TRIPLE SCOOP OF ICE CREAM.THE SECOND IS GOBBING DOWN THE TOP AND SUCKING THE CONE.THE THIRD IS BIFING OFF THE TOP OF THE ICE CREAM.WHICH ONE IS MARRIED?"
THE TEACHER, BLUSHING A GREAT DEAL, REPLIES, " WELL I SUPPOSE THE ONE THATS GOBBED DOWN THE TOP AND SUCKED THE CONE."
" THE CORRECT ANSWER IS THE ONE WITH THE WEDDING RING ON................BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK."
Showing posts with label Adult. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adult. Show all posts
Helpful man
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so how did you get the other black eye"?
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so how did you get the other black eye"?
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
Lust in translation
For his birthday a boy asks for a bicycle.
His father says, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father sees the boy heading out the front door carrying a suitcase. So he asks, "Son, what are you doing?"
The boy says, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mommy you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming, too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!"
His father says, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father sees the boy heading out the front door carrying a suitcase. So he asks, "Son, what are you doing?"
The boy says, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mommy you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming, too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!"
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kids today
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a
teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different
colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring
every time.
When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he
did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you
were my son.'
We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a
teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different
colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring
every time.
When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he
did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you
were my son.'
teenage pregnancy
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy
kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and
distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit
steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and
tells
them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't
marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her
life.
Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a
townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000
bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,
"You sh*g her again."
kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and
distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit
steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and
tells
them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't
marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her
life.
Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a
townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000
bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,
"You sh*g her again."
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