A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son.
Son: Ok! I watched a DVD at my mates.
Dad: Which one?
Son: Finding Nemo.
The robot slaps the son again.
Son: Ok! It was Porn.
Dad: WHAT? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!
The robot slaps the Dad.
Mom: Hahahahaha! After all he’s your son.
The robot slaps the mom.
Dear god,
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.His birthday was coming up
and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and
think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike
for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the
letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
Dear God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just
send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to
church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and
up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a
statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the
street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece
of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE !!!!!!!!!!
Bobby
and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and
think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike
for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the
letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
Dear God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just
send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to
church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and
up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a
statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the
street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece
of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE !!!!!!!!!!
Bobby
Women and the frog
Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the
ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman
said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times
richer than
you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!
The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a
mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't
mess with them.
Attention
female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
feeling good!
Male
readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times
"milder" than his wife!!!
Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to
show that women never listen!!!
ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman
said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times
richer than
you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!
The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a
mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't
mess with them.
Attention
female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
feeling good!
Male
readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times
"milder" than his wife!!!
Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to
show that women never listen!!!
Liver cheese
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. Aware of her charms, and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words liver and cheese together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me".
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese." "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever. "Um. I hate liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Labs’ sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" he last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, and a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, "Liver alone, Cheese mine.
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese." "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever. "Um. I hate liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Labs’ sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" he last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, and a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, "Liver alone, Cheese mine.
batman
A guy goes to a bar and get druunk. He gets very very very drunk and then the bar closes. so he starts to walk home. on the way. he saws one nun. so he jumped on her and beat her a$$. he punched her. then he got up and threw that nun on the wall. Now the nun was very weak. so the drunk guy leans over to nun's face and tell her: Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?
morals
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The morals of this story are:
1)Not everyone who drops $h*t on you is your enemy.
2)Not everyone who gets you out of $h*t is your friend.
3)When you're in deep $h*t, keep your mouth shut.
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The morals of this story are:
1)Not everyone who drops $h*t on you is your enemy.
2)Not everyone who gets you out of $h*t is your friend.
3)When you're in deep $h*t, keep your mouth shut.
cute little girl
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest
little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep
widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's
on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and
fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over
there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep
widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's
on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and
fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over
there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
how did the fight start
A woman says to her husband that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts.
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
She asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
Her husband answers, "Just rub toilet paper between them."
"How does that make them bigger?", she asks.
"I don't know, but it certainly worked for your butt."
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
She asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
Her husband answers, "Just rub toilet paper between them."
"How does that make them bigger?", she asks.
"I don't know, but it certainly worked for your butt."
who is idiot
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" said the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" said the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.
the seagull
A four year old and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the san. The boy asked his father, "Dad, what happened to the birdie?" His dad told him, "Son, the bird died and went to heaven." Then the boy asked, "And God threw him back down?
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