SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
STUDENT: No, I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.
HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER: (sadly) You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT: (sadly) You don't know my father.
BOY: Isn't the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
BOY: And do you know who I am?
BOY: Thank Goodness!