Lie detector robot

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.

Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?

Son: At school.

The robot slaps the son.

Son: Ok! I watched a DVD at my mates.

Dad: Which one?

Son: Finding Nemo.

The robot slaps the son again.

Son: Ok! It was Porn.

Dad: WHAT? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!

The robot slaps the Dad.

Mom: Hahahahaha! After all he’s your son.

The robot slaps the mom.

Dear god,

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.His birthday was coming up 

and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. 

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. 

Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. 

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and 

think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike 

for your birthday.

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1

Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. 
Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the 

letter and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again. 

Letter 3

Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. 
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4

Dear God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just 

send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. 

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to 

church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him. 

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and 

up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a 

statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the 
street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece 

of paper and a pen.

Bobby began to write his letter to God. 

Letter 5

God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE !!!!!!!!!!
Bobby

Women and the frog

Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the
ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman
said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times
richer than
you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't
mess with them.

Attention
female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
feeling good!

Male
readers: Please scroll down.
















































The man had a heart attack ten times
"milder" than his wife!!!

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to
show that women never listen!!!

Liver cheese

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. Aware of her charms, and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words liver and cheese together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me".
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese." "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever. "Um. I hate liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Labs’ sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" he last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, and a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, "Liver alone, Cheese mine.